I invited change into my life 3 years ago.  I thought that it was only going to be spiritual growth, and was taken off guard when every aspect of my life changed.  I forgot that we are spiritual beings having a human experience–not the other way around–and let me tell you, I was reminded.  I mentioned before that when one invites change, one can’t control how or where said change is applied.  When one is dealing with the spiritual self everything is transformed, stretched, affected. 

One of my mentors said that when one embarks upon the spiritual journey of transformation, all of those things the ego is holding onto get stripped away.  I have certainly had that experience.  To that end, I am a big ball of raw material, akin to what my inner chef views as raw meat, laying in wait for the next.  All of the insignificant things that I once deemed important have been stripped away, and I am left with only the few, yet significant–Faith, Hope, Love.  

In understanding more of the divine mystery of my faith, I can only say that I am a lot closer to a Taoist to the Christian next door.  “Be still and know that I am God” has taken on a significant meaning.  Every plan that I had for myself over the last 3 years did not manifest itself… with one exception–going through the Spiritual Direction program.  I learned that I was disquiet, I was not still, and I definitely wanted my will to be done.  I think perhaps if I wouldn’t have asked for transformation, I probably could’ve pushed my will.  But, I’m pretty sure that God said (envisioned in a female Southern accent), “No, honey, you asked for transformation, so I’m going to go ahead and do what you desired.  Shush, child, I know what I’m doing–I have the gift of forsight.” 

My inner Adam is still fighting to know what is on that tree of knowledge.  What does the future hold?  What is next?!  Fortunately, my inner taoist (which is really a Christian with the faith of a child) is embracing the non-action, emptiness, and flexibility that comes with being a redeemed lump of raw meat.

Acts 1:15-26. And they cast lots for them, and the lot  fell on Matthias; and he was added to the eleven  apostles.

As God’s adopted children, it is important that we be about our Father’s business. But how do we apply that grand idea specifically? How do we know God’s will for this moment of our life?

Standard answers to these questions include Bible study, prayer, and listening to that still, small voice within. But sometimes, no matter how much we read, pray, and listen, God is silent.

Exodus 28:30 tells us that God directed Moses to place the Urim and the Thummim in Aaron’s “breastpiece of judgment.” The Urim and the Thummim were sacred lots, the equivalent of a tossed coin.

The disciples were faced with picking an apostle to replace Judas. Both candidates had been disciples  of Jesus; they were equally qualified, so the disciples cast lots. Did God influence the outcome? Perhaps. But I believe he doesn’t need to, because God uses whatever we offer to his own ends. Sometimes there is nothing to do but toss a coin. Then move forward in faith. (Forward Movement)

I give thanks for resting in the faith of the tossed coin.  I give thanks for the desire to rest in the silence.  I am still.  I am listening.  I am ready.