“Depressions are transition times for me,” an older fellow stated. “I look at my lows as a preparation period, an inner time to grow and change even though I’m not consciously aware of what’s going on inside me. But I didn’t always think this way.

“I used to get terrified when I got into one of those low periods. Every time I did, I questioned everything I ever believed in. I doubted myself and my abilities, my opinions and values, my friends and my boss. Nothing escaped my painful questioning. I thought for sure I was going insane. The pain was so unbearable I wanted to drink, work harder, anything, to distract me from my anguish.

“Now when I get low, I take it more in stride. I think of my depression as part of a natural cycle. Just as nature has its fall, winter, and spring, I, too, have a period of shedding old growth for new growth. I just endure my grey days knowing the sun will shine again just as the trees will bloom after winter. As part of the natural world around me, I, too, have my seasons of joy and sorrow.”

Today I will remember that my lows are as natural as my highs. I will not become overwhelmed and exaggerate the significance of my depressions. I will endure patiently, knowing that whatever faces me will pass in time.

each day i receive several thoughts or meditations or such of the day. these come from a variety of sources: a cousin, a best friend, spiritual websites. although i often do not have time to respond to the personal ones sent to me, i read each one and think about what it is saying to me and to my life, at that time in my life. one of my favorite daily readings is actually a forward from a former alcoholic. i do not know where the original readings come from, but it is obvious they are alcoholic anonymous in the language used. the quote above is the reading from today.

i find this interesting and timely. i often have fallen into lows, we all do, we are human. although i am not an alcoholic and do not drink too much (except for the occasional night out with my coven sisters), the statements found are very true. i would find myself in the lows and everything about myself, about my actions, about my appearance, my worthiness, my ___________ (fill in the blank). everything was suspect. everything was not good enough. i was not good enough. i could have taught this concept better. i could have loved harder. i could have given more. i could have worked less and spent more time with __________. i could have i could have i could have…

very dangerous and non-productive words. its a trap i think most of could fall into easily. it takes perseverance to look over the cliff and pull yourself back. i do not think struggling with depression or sadness dictates weakness. weakness is a word that is a perceptual word. weak to one, is strong to another. and sometimes the strongest persons are those whose actions by most would be considered weak. however, most people are not privvy enough into anyone else’s thoughts, life or beliefs to be able to make any kind of judgment on weakness.

strength is found within oneself. pulling yourself back from the cliff’s edge is strength. loving yourself is strength. loving yourself sometimes hurts. fighting through the hurt is strength.

i pray for you all to find the strength, to find the courage, to find the inner love to be okay with the low times – know there will always be a time of a high to follow. i pray for you all to find this strength, this courage, this love – even when it is so very hard to do. i pray for you to find this strength, this courage, this love – even when you wish to do nothing more than curl up and disappear. i pray for you to find this strength, this courage, this love – even when it is so very hard to do so, to believe so, to know so. i will be right here loving you, through it all, unconditionally, forever.

and praying you are here for me also, for it is a great struggle of my own.

- tiffany