One of the comments that I hear all the time with people who do not celebrate the same faith as I is “Do you really believe that there is some guy in the sky who really cares about each insignificant person in this world?”  Well, no.  1.) I don’t see God as “some guy.”  God cannot be quantified in that way.  God is the great I Am.  God is Truth.  God is Love.  Therefore, 2.) In just looking at the very small, yet significant definition of God to which I cling–God is Love–I can very easily accept the immense complexity and profundity of Love, which can account for and validate the people, and subsequently, the petitions of every single human being.  As a trinitarian influencing my reason, it is very easy for me to understand and accept Jesus as the great reconciler and savior, as God made flesh, and the Holy Spirit as the Divine who dwells within us.  How can we say Namaste, and deny the presence of the Holy Spirit?  Isn’t she the light that we recognize in each other?

Even those friends of mine who would never worship God in even the privacy of their homes call upon that name in times of great stress and need.  We look to God in our darkest hours and times of trial.  I petition the presence of the Holy Spirit when I remember that I cannot do it alone, or when my unruly nature preceeds my patience.  In those moments when we send those petitions and prayers, each of us has felt at least once that they have gone unanswered.  My question is, do the petitions from the mouth match the desire of the heart?  Is there something greater going on that will manifest itself later as an answer to that prayer?  Perhaps, in letting the heart speak, stripped of ego and the walls that can entomb it, we will be open to receive the desires thereof.

Mark 2:1-12. Why do you raise such questions in your hearts?

A paralytic has his sins forgiven. Jesus sees into the hearts of the scribes who are critical of his forgiving the sins of a paralytic. Then the paralytic receives the gift of being able to walk.

One might assume that the paralytic’s friends brought him to Jesus to have his legs healed. But I think that just as he did with the scribes, Jesus saw  into the heart of the man and knew it was forgiveness he sought, not walking. The miracle of walking was a bonus gift.

I can compile a list of the things I want God to do for me, my family, and my friends. He hears my petitions throughout each day. I imagine he has my prayers and supplications memorized.

He also peers into my heart to thoughts and feelings I may not acknowledge. It occurs to me that  my family and friends have long held me up and  carried me spiritually, often with diligence and creativity, toward our Lord when I could not do so alone.

I must examine my heart to find what God  already knows. Asking forgiveness will be my first request. Then I will be more capable of carrying others to him.

I thank You for listening to the petitions of my heart even when I haven’t the words to speak them, nor ears to listen.

I invited change into my life 3 years ago.  I thought that it was only going to be spiritual growth, and was taken off guard when every aspect of my life changed.  I forgot that we are spiritual beings having a human experience–not the other way around–and let me tell you, I was reminded.  I mentioned before that when one invites change, one can’t control how or where said change is applied.  When one is dealing with the spiritual self everything is transformed, stretched, affected. 

One of my mentors said that when one embarks upon the spiritual journey of transformation, all of those things the ego is holding onto get stripped away.  I have certainly had that experience.  To that end, I am a big ball of raw material, akin to what my inner chef views as raw meat, laying in wait for the next.  All of the insignificant things that I once deemed important have been stripped away, and I am left with only the few, yet significant–Faith, Hope, Love.  

In understanding more of the divine mystery of my faith, I can only say that I am a lot closer to a Taoist to the Christian next door.  “Be still and know that I am God” has taken on a significant meaning.  Every plan that I had for myself over the last 3 years did not manifest itself… with one exception–going through the Spiritual Direction program.  I learned that I was disquiet, I was not still, and I definitely wanted my will to be done.  I think perhaps if I wouldn’t have asked for transformation, I probably could’ve pushed my will.  But, I’m pretty sure that God said (envisioned in a female Southern accent), “No, honey, you asked for transformation, so I’m going to go ahead and do what you desired.  Shush, child, I know what I’m doing–I have the gift of forsight.” 

My inner Adam is still fighting to know what is on that tree of knowledge.  What does the future hold?  What is next?!  Fortunately, my inner taoist (which is really a Christian with the faith of a child) is embracing the non-action, emptiness, and flexibility that comes with being a redeemed lump of raw meat.

Acts 1:15-26. And they cast lots for them, and the lot  fell on Matthias; and he was added to the eleven  apostles.

As God’s adopted children, it is important that we be about our Father’s business. But how do we apply that grand idea specifically? How do we know God’s will for this moment of our life?

Standard answers to these questions include Bible study, prayer, and listening to that still, small voice within. But sometimes, no matter how much we read, pray, and listen, God is silent.

Exodus 28:30 tells us that God directed Moses to place the Urim and the Thummim in Aaron’s “breastpiece of judgment.” The Urim and the Thummim were sacred lots, the equivalent of a tossed coin.

The disciples were faced with picking an apostle to replace Judas. Both candidates had been disciples  of Jesus; they were equally qualified, so the disciples cast lots. Did God influence the outcome? Perhaps. But I believe he doesn’t need to, because God uses whatever we offer to his own ends. Sometimes there is nothing to do but toss a coin. Then move forward in faith. (Forward Movement)

I give thanks for resting in the faith of the tossed coin.  I give thanks for the desire to rest in the silence.  I am still.  I am listening.  I am ready.